it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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