apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Randomize
