now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
