Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
