hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
