i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
