Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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