all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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