So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
