i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
