He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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