I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
