Where is the hickey?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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