um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
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