Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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