Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
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It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
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I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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