textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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