I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
