what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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