i barfeds in our rink
i used baking grease as lip gloss
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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