xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
