And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
