So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
