I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
