I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
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