2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
