in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
