I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
