DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
