I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
