Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
