Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
