i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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