DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
