it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
