is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Randomize
