I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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