It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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