I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Randomize
