Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
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