I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
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I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
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We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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