i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
