Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
