He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
