Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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