im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
