I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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