I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
