It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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