Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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