So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
