How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
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then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
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Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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