I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
