Well now I have my semen on her headphones
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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