party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
