how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
