I just cut my nipple shaving
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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