I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
