Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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