she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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