It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
