my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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