omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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