He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
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Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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