I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
