We won't sleep together?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
