just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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