having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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