He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
