Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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