imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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