Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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