why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
